Epic Fail

This was a morning I was dreading. The Livermore ride that would take us 107 miles and have us climbing over 11,000'! I experienced and conquered this ride last year, so I mostly knew what I was in for in the many grueling miles ahead.

Part of my apprehension with this ride, was missing the previous week's ride. It wasn't an easy decision but I needed the extra time to properly set up and pull off my fundraising event in SF. Part of our commitment on this team is to raise funds for blood cancers. So this was one of the week's I had to pull my efforts in another direction.

I was left to rely on my mid week efforts and the 102 GPC miles I have ridden 2 weeks previously. We had a 7:00 roll time and a beautiful morning that was quickly warming up. I was feeling surprisingly good the first 40 miles of the ride. Then came the big game-changer...the heat!

Once we started up the back side of Mt. Hamilton the heat quickly intensified and any bit of breeze had disappeared. Sucking in hot stale air with every agonizing pedal stoke up this unforgiving mountain! Let the self-talking begin to get me through this.

I soon found all the electrolyte tablets, water, and supplements that I had been ingesting were not enough to keep my right foot/calf from beginning to tighten and cramp. I pedaled through it, until I saw the oasis of one shade tree,I took the opportunity to chug water and take some more electrolytes. Then off I went again to tackle more of this mountain!

I continued for awhile and noticed the tightening was now moving up my entire right side. Let the cramping begin! Foot, calf, thigh, hip, side and parts I did not relize that could cramp!!!It was brutal and unrelenting, also creating the joy of nausea. I was one leg pedaling on my left to just keep moving forward. My coach was up around the corner and witnessed my grimace, gasps and struggling stride...she knew I was in trouble. I could barely breathe or speak through the contracting muscles. At this point I was down to almost no water with a couple more miles to go. She made the desicion that I was not willing to...and called for a SAG car. I quietly stood alone in the frustration and embarrassment of failure. Adding to that were the tears wellin up in my eyes. Really!It was ironic that I had enough fluid in me to create tears but not enough for my muscles/body to carry me 2 more miles up the damn hill!!!

Willie and I got loaded in the SAG car, with the plan to head the top and continue. It would give me the opportunity to calm the cramping the fuel my body back up to ride. Giving up was not in me at this point! As we drove, the roads looked like a battle zone of cyclists stopped and struggling with the heat and relentless climb.

On the drive up the hill the worst and most intense cramping began to occur...holy @#%$! It sounded like I was giving birth in the car...haha! So sorry Kurt! Once I could straighten my legs and walk again (and to just to get out of the car),I was determined I would ride again. After ample hydration at the SAG stop, I hopped back on Willie and carefully rode up to Observatory to see if my legs were willing to continue. I made it up...so I was hopeful!

With more hydration and some intense negotiation with my body...I was ready to ride again:-) The next 30 miles would be much kinder and I felt I could get through it...and did:-) Then I rolled up upon hell...aka, Sierra Rd.! This was a 4 mile sustained wall-type climb with no breaks! Did I mention that it was HOT!?! Upper 80's but off the treeless pavement it was registering over 100 (my Garmin has documentation). Holy hill this was going to hurt!

About 2 miles in, I began sensing the breach of contract with my body. It was pissed and was beginning to make it very clear! At this point I'd swallowed handfuls of electrolyte capsules; making me wonder "how many of these could I ingest before it kills me"? Just then, Rocket (one of the awesome guess coaches) had ridden up to check on me and coach me through the climb. Just short of the top my body decided enough was enough! If I wasn't going to stop...it was stopping me and successfully did!

My coach made it VERY clear...that I was done for the day! My legs were done, my body was done and most of my common sense was gone at that point. I thought I could try and walk up it, but the tremors in my legs wouldn't even let me move, balance or stand between the cramping. My vision was blotchy and it began to sink in that this was truly the end of my day...at mile 72:-(

Now my role shifted to be the cheerleader and help the rest of my team make it throught their ride. I was proud of everyone of them! They dug deep and pushed on through their discomfort to finish a very tough day.

The realization of far I violated my body, truly didn't become clear until the days that followed. The exursion and dehydration had my body refusing food, feeling overall fatigue and making my muscles continue to twitch and tremble. I continued to guzzle water and electrolytes but its taken more days than I expected to balance out from the epic discomfort of pushing myself to the wall...literally.

I now look to the next ride with more trepidation than the last. My courage will end if I let fear begin...and I cannot allow that to creep into my training! All I can do is my best each week...and keep moving forward.

Finding My Balance

Last weekend I added 102 more miles to my training bank by completing the Grizzly Peak Century! It was hot, the hills were mighty and the miles were long but I felt very accomplished when I rolled back into Campolindo High School. It was a long day on the bike. The heat added to my discomfort, which brought nausea, hot foot issues and cramping...it slowed my pace but didn't dampen my spirit to get it done.

The experience made me question and assess my training. Was it the heat? Was it riding my first century in 6 months or both that made it such a tough day? My gut is telling me that I could have put in more training time. Then again, I say that to myself every season. This time I know its accurate. I want to train more but when? My life is a complex juggling act this year.

The balance of trying to fit it all in...working full time, an unpredictable commute, fundraising, cycling, my horse...blah, blah, blah. I know my situation isn't unique. I've become a ghost to my friends and family. My horse barely sees me and my cat gets momentary attention during my comings and goings. My social interactions consists of seeing my team on Saturday's, my work mates at the office and strangers on the train. Its what I need to do for now.

The trainings are getting longer and more intense, and I'm finding I'm sleeping less instead of more. It tough to fit everything into a week. This has turned me into a bit of a zombie. I'm not mad, sad or grumpy...just exhausted and trying to stay present through each day. I'm finding tiredness becomes idiocy. At times its been very entertaining for my co-workers.

My worry is the intensity of the next 6 weeks. Work and cycle training are both gearing up at the same time! It going to take all my focus and my best time management skills to get me though it. I don't want to let my co-workers, teammates or myself down in the process. To make it all work I'm playing with a delicate house of cards right now. Fingers crossed...that my body, mind and spirit stay healthy and balanced.

I find my time on the bike is like therapy. Somehow out on the roads I can relax and everything makes sense. Every time I clip in, my friends, teammates and the beautiful Northern California scenery keep it a fun adventure. I'm letting go of any ego in regards to my cycling skills. I do "Know Why" I'm doing this...its for myself and for helping to find a cure. This difficult process has a finish line for me. I'm hoping my sacrifices and efforts have a positive outcome for those with cancer.

As I look ahead, I just need to take it one week, one day and one hill at a time. Be patient with me as I try my best to make it all balance.

Training Bank

The second half of our training season is here! The team is at the point where all our training efforts will be put the test (and in some cases, exposed) as we begin the series of triple digit distance rides. Beginning tomorrow with the Grizzly Peak Century (GPC), on the training calender as our team ride. An event that is not for the faint of heart...not as much the distance as for the climbing. Without the level of training I'm doing as part of the Death Ride Team, I wouldn't attempt this ride on my own.

GPC is a great opportunity to motivate and ride for myself. Having a role on my team as ride support makes it tough to monitor where I'm really at in my training. Most weeks are spent being there for everyone else but myself. I enjoy this event because it allows me to work on my time management and assessing where my training or lack of has me this season. This has been my most challenging season to train. I have a schedule that leaves me very little time and energy to get in the type of training that I have been used to in past seasons. In spite of doing well at the team ride thus far, I do worry that I'm doing enough to finish the season strong.

Past seasons I would hit the road during the week. This season I hit the trainer and DVDs, riding "B", my first bike...a vintage steel Bianchi that got me through my first 2 cycling seasons. I sweat and spin as many evenings as my schedule will allow. But is it enough? I also try to fit in some strength training and yoga...but most weeks that isn't happening. The balance of life to training ratio is a tricky one. In spite of my inner turmoil over my training regiment, I have been feeling strong on the road with the team. What I have in my training bank will tell the story tomorrow at GPC. For today, I hydrate, fuel up, stretch it out, rest and prepare for tomorrow's challenge!